Bullies and victims

What makes a person bully others? Find out more about what makes a bully tick at Bullies: Who's a bully? on the PBS It's My Life Website for school children. Watch the video in the Watch It section of this web site to hear what some school children have to say about bullies.

New studies on bullying find that bullies have often been victims of bullying themselves and that victims sometimes become bullies themselves. To learn more, read Vijai P. Sharma's article Profiles of Bullies and Victims in Mind Publications.

See a video: Effects of bullying.

Send your opinion.
Bullying is definitely bad for victims, but what about the bullies? Do you think bullying also has bad consequences for the bullies themselves?

Comments

[Linda]

Hi, I'm an adult who was recently bullied by another adult. For mature teens and adults, I strongly suggest this book: "In Sheep's clothing: understanding and dealing with manipulative people", by George K Simon. The book is about a certain kind of bully, but the info can and should be extrapolated to ALL bullies. The book is about covertly aggressive personalities (which are disordered and disturbed personalities). But I believe this: the type of personality that bullies other people is similar whether it's a covert aggressive (a sneaky, lying, con-artist) or overt aggressive (in your face, hitting, intimidating, threatening yelling), or somewhere in between. If you read this book you will be able to make sense of how a bully thinks. Then you've got the upper hand again. It may not help with all your hurdles, but I guarantee you're more than half way there once you know and understand how these people think. Here's some hope: I believe that many aggressive children can grow up to be responsible, caring, empathetic, loving people. But I also believe that when they're stuck in their aggressive ways (no matter what the age), they need to be dealt with in a certain way. I also believe that when this is a set pattern of behavior in adulthood, it's pretty much not going to change. BTW, I''m no longer being bullied :)

[Abha]

Stan's son should not have been punished, assuming that it was a verifiable fact that he didn't contribute to the fight (outside of being a target ) Defending oneself is a big part of a successful life. Sorry for Stan amd his son. But a big congratulations to his son and to him for doing the right thing.The school should be barraged by messages from the community and seriously reconsider the application of the rule they have enacted. There is a reason for a no tolerance policy however as with all law/ rules the enforcement and application of those rules is as important as the rule itself.

[Doni]

No, he should not have been suspended. I suppose I can see why the school would handle it that way, in case no one witnessed the incident to see who was at fault. However, what message are we sending our kids? Don't defend yourself? Be a victim and take it, then hope someone stops the beating before you end up seriously hurt? Punishing the bully is appropriate, punishing the victim of the bully is just plain bad management. If I were Stan, I would reiterate my wishes that my child not instigate a fight, but applaud him for standing up and defending himself.

[John schnider]

He should not be suspended. That is a stupid policy. I tell my 12 year old daughter if someone hits you first, you must defend yourself and I will deal with the school consequences later. I would be one of those mothers to fight with the school district/superintendent. I tell her always stand up for herself, her friends or other kids being bullied. She took karate for several years with nothing but boys so she is not afraid to protect herself. An older bully at school thought she would try and get my daughter and her friend to move off of a lunchroom table and I was proud of my daughter and her friend when they said NO and didn't move.

[Katie]

Our schools have a no bullying policy, which sounds good in theory but in practice it's led to the mouthy little turds having all the power. They can pick on whoever they want, call them names, make fun of whoever, but if someone finally has had enough & smacks them one then THAT person gets in trouble. Stupid. I think "no contact', although flawed, puts the responsibility on all parties. Either kid should go to an adult before it comes to blows, & it doesn't matter what either kid's story is ( cuz not every kid being bullied' isn't just getting the consequences of what his mouth has gotten him into, & shockingly your child might not be completely innocent).

[Ryan Layman]

I think that if the United States government wanted to do anything that'd help the schools, they would make bullying a federal crime punishable up to 1-5 years in prison. WHY? How many of you recall having some guy gang up on you and push you. Did you feel good the next day? .... Does the prison time for bullying seem extreme? Well yeah sure, but what about the people you read about in the newspaper from time to time who commit suicide because of bullying. .... yeah I think making bullying a federal crime would ensure healthy emotional states for all the students who may or may not be bullied if the law wasn't in place. Of course I dont know everything and people may contradict my ideas but I've been bullied most of my life so I know what it feels like and bullying is wrong and there should be a law enforcing anti bullying regulations. Then maybe teen depression rates can drop and school can become a safe haven once again for the victims of bullying.

[Suprafootwear]

Very well written...I am one of your regular readers...

[Macpherson]

Bullying is straight out wrong. Why is it that they control so many situations and ruin day to day socialising? I spoke up and the school did nothing. Another student spoke up.Then that person was suspended, but now he is coming back to school.

Why should I have to [go to] school everyday living in fear, looking over my shoulder? Stronger no tolerance laws need to be enforced. When I am gone and leave a note to say why, then maybe they will feel bad.

[Nike ShoxTurbo]

Mistakes are an essential part of education. (Bertrand Russell, British philosopher)

[Ben]

I think bullying is bad for bullies. It could have a large affect on their later life. If they continue to treat people with disrespect, it may cause them to have bad habits of treating people wrong when they get older because that will be all they know.

[Ben]

Yes it is a bad thing for bullies to be bullies because if they are doing things worse as they get older the consequences could get very severe. If the bully continues to do this it may affect his/her life in the long run. They may turn out not being able to make a good relationship with people.

[ABC!!!]

This article is sooo true!!!

[Shelly]

I think bullying is a horrible thing! It makes the weak people (bullies) feel good when they hurt others (victims). Bullying is getting worse and worse these days! If u r a victim u need to fight back!!!

[Sila A. Suleyman]

Bullying is an act of empowerment. I can assure you that if parents were tougher on their kids and kids were disciplined better, no bullying would take place. Bullying is a result of self centrism, jealousy, anger and insecurity. I am embarrased for bullies,they are a very big disgrace to society.

[Jieun Kim]

What's the point of bullying? Most bullies do it to look tough or cool in front of everybody. Really, they just have low self-esteem in themselves, so they take it out on other people. Even if they are not physically hurting someone, they are emotionally hurting them.

[Anela Hadzic]

Bullying is a serious thing. Getting bullied can make kids feel left out and unloved. They as well can be depressed, lonely, and even suicidal. Bullying is in all schools. so try and help you could save a life.

Bullies think it's funny to make fun of other students, but they don't understand what that does to a person. We are all humans. We all have feelings. Bullying can effect you physically and mentally. You could also have self-esteem issues.
A bully is usually someone that has problems at home and takes it out on other students. The bully needs as much help as the student getting bullied.

[Jesse]

I remember when I was a little boy and the other bigger boys saw me on the playground swinging with my buddies and they targeted me and beat me down and covered me with rocks. But little did they know I would grow to be a 6'5 monster and I got my revenge!

[Not Telling]

If a teacher makes everyone in a class write an essay on bullying, even the person who was bullied in class, would that be bullying by the teacher or just trying to stop it from happening again?

[Anonymous]

It is not fair to kids that have been bullied. Parents have got to go to work and no one could talk to the kids. So I think parents should spend more time with the children instead of working.

[Max Schaller]

In my own personal experience, I have been bullied myself. I discovered that bullies aren't just gangbangers in school or in the streets. Bullies are an alcoholic or druggie parent(s), policemen, security guards, in-laws, or employers. All have one thing in common: they claim that they were victims, so now they bully others. The victims often become bullies.

[Faduma]

Bullying is just wrong, alright.

[Faduma]

I am against bullying, too. I am also having an event at school to talk about bullying and to say how bullying affects people and what it does to them and we're also going to have activities that have something to do with bullying and how to prevent it.

[Moiz Ahmed]

This kind of stuff has to stop! Look at all this and ask yourself what you can do. That 14 year old girl commited suicide because her parents didn't care and neither did everybody else and now she's gone. Ask yourself if you knew her. Ask yourself what you could have done to stop those 3 girls from bullying her and stop them from making that girl commit suicide. Hey I'm just a kid, but I have a big and open mind and I don't care what everyone else says but that girl could have been saved from commiting suicide.

[Ollie]

Bullying is bad. It's wrong and it hurts people's feelings!

[Jueun Chung]

I think bullying is bad because it can hurt other people as well as you.